First, a somewhat embarrassing admission; up until recently I had not seen any of the Star Wars movies. None. Never watched them as a kid and didn’t seek them out as an adult. This changed when a group of friends took objection to my state of ignorance and planned a movie marathon for me.
Despite not having watched the movies before, I had a basic grasp of characters and storylines and recognised a few quotes simply by virtue of having been on the internet. I knew Darth Vader was Luke’s father and I knew Luke and Leia were siblings. Thus I could appear to have watched the movies and remain undetected as a Star Wars virgin amongst the geeky circles I move in.
We decided to watch the movies in the Machete Order; IV, V, II, III, VI. I have yet to see Episode I, but I am told that is a mercy, and when I do eventually want to watch it, to do so as part of a drinking game to make it bearable.
The verdict; I loved the original trilogy. The prequels felt like a massive departure from the very human (thus interesting) story that was the original trilogy. But more on that later.
Episode IV
This all seems very familiar. The internet has indoctrinated me into this series, but watching it is great. Loving the humanness of the story, despite the huge universe-spanning setting. Despite the movie’s age and the fact that other movies have re-done this story and setting, making it seem cliché even though it was really the original, this movie gripped me. Obi Wan dying was horribly heart-wrenching, Luke blowing up the Death Star was exciting, Alderaan being blown up was horrifying, and the celebration at the end was a lovely conclusion.
Episode V
After Episode IV I was excited to get right into this movie. Starting on Hoth was a little confusing at first, but that feeling didn’t last long as we jumped right into the story. The Rebels are a bit hard up and have to retreat, but not before taking out some AT-ATs, which was a scene I had seen many times before, but that didn’t take away from its awesomeness in the full context of the movie. I didn’t realise what a tiny part of the movie Boba Fett has, his fan base does not correlate to the size of the part he has in the movie.
Luke’s training with Yoda seems random, but needed. It seems that the main thing Yoda teaches him is how to be a grown up, which is well overdue. Doesn’t stop him running off like a child though, so perhaps he learned nothing.
The big reveals of this movie are of course Han Solo being frozen in carbonite and Darth Vader being Luke’s Dad. I knew both of these things because I have been on the internet. But both were still emotionally affecting.
At this point I know we are about to dive into the newer movies. I have read many scathing reviews of these and know that they are considered deeply ‘not good’, but in my innocence I figured they couldn’t be that bad. I’m sure the humanness of the story will continue, just as it has for the two we’ve already seen. It seems to be the thread that holds the movies together…
Episode II
First thoughts; why is this chase scene taking so long? What has it got to do with the story at all? Why is there no characterisation here?
Turns out that was a highlight, things rapidly degraded from there.
Also, why did the Jedi Council send Anikin on a protection mission with someone he obviously has the hots for if they cleave to the notion that love is to be avoided? And if they knew he was a creepy creep beforehand then I’m totally rooting for the dark side. His interactions with the senator made me uncomfortable in many ways, most of them centre around the film seeming to promote the notion that if a girl says no, she just needs time to come around to the idea of being with the creepy guy pushing himself onto her, so he only needs to keep persisting instead of backing the hell off.
I actively heckled this movie. If I hadn’t finished my popcorn already I would have thrown it at the screen. Afterwards a good half hour was spent explaining to me the point of the things I had just watched. It seems as though the human stories and struggles of the original movies are lost to boring politics here. Politics with not much in the way of human stories behind them.
Episode III
This movie felt like it should have been really good. It had all the elements; a personal struggle between good and evil, an impossible choice, big reveals, blah blah blah… but the execution, well, too much time was spent on shiny special effects and longing looks and not enough on the story that was there.
Important character development moments were skipped, such as the pivotal point at which Anikin turned to the Dark Side and murdered a bunch of people, including kids. To me, that seemed worthy of much more than the few moments that were spent with it.
I was almost glad to see Anikin set on fire at the conclusion of that endless fight scene as it meant it was over and we could move on with our lives. That action sequence could easily have been quartered and probably would have conveyed more drama and excitement. There was so much pointless belabouring of boring points that were already well and truly driven home that I struggled to stay seated. I didn’t stay quiet. There would have been things thrown at the screen if it was my screen.
Before watching these two movies I thought Darth Vader was an interesting character, but these movies made him creepy and deserving of what happened to him. After watching them I was glad he died at the end of the original trilogy.
Episode VI
It was a relief to see the old special effects back in place. When that ship rolled over camera after the introductory text I breathed a sigh of relief and settled in to enjoy the movie. The newer movies feel more dated because of the amount of CGI that was used. Yes the space ships here look like models, but at least they look like something that could exist! The conclusion of this movie didn’t have the impact it should have, my emotions were still holding a grudge against Darth Vader from the newer trilogy.
So, in conclusion, I’m glad I watched Star Wars. The original trilogy was brilliant and now many internet memes make considerably more sense. In contrast, the prequels were rubbish and I hope the upcoming movies learn from their mistakes. If I ever feel the need to watch Episode I, I will do so drunk. It may well be entertaining that way.